“Seriously though, this isn’t just one movie. It’s two movies joined together by a sexy dance routine.

It’s like somepony was shooting a grindhouse kidnapping movie, and then the pages from an exploitation vampire horror film got mixed up halfway through. And it just makes no sense! Why would the director do something like that? What’s the rhyme or reason behind changing gears on your audience so hard you break the tone and the language? I bet I’m not the only one thinking this, because even the characters are trying to figure out what’s going on!

I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to feel about this movie, and I really don’t want to rip on what it seems to be a cult classic for many of you. I can appreciate the acting (which is excellent all around), the cartoony tone of some scenes, and certain bits of dark humor. But the whole thing doesn’t gel for me. It’s too disjointed, too unfocused, and too wild for my taste.

And speaking of wild, I think I might be busy for a couple of hours. Or days. The movie wasn’t all that spectacular, but that dance routine sure was.”