IT’S

A

JOKE!

Basically I just did it to do it. I don’t really ship any of these except Shining and Twilight, but that’s very loosely shipped.

I was inspired by an adopt where Rainbow Dash was being shipped with Rainbow Blaze (frost? beam? idk) so this popped up in my head.

Don’t take it seriously.

And since we don’t have any relatives of Fluttershy, she’s not in this. ;C

Only after I drew all of this did I come up with a backstory.

In a nutshell, Equestria is under a sort of curse/genetic mutation that causes any union of those outside the bloodline to miscarry. With the little knowledge they have of science, genetics and viruses, the ponies eventually blame magic rather than the obvious. Inbreeding among ponies was uncommon but not unheard of, which gave them hope for breeding. Many ponies resisted at first, but eventually some wished to have children and seeked their family for help. Some married into their family, others simply asked for help from those who could carry their child to term before raising it themselves.

Only close to semi-close family could copulate before miscarrying. Only first cousins could bear children, along with mother and son, father and daughter, grandson and grandmother, granddaughter and grandfather, uncle and niece, nephew and niece, etc.

Now, onto the families:

• Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Blaze were close when RD was growing up. Rainbowshine (Rainbow Dash’s mother) wasn’t around very much, considering she worked around the clock in the Weather Factory in a manual labor unit. Their family was much poorer than most, causing Dash to create an ego for herself, but rather than become a bully she became a savior to those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. Blaze was very proud of his daughter being one of the first ponies ever to create a sonic rainboom, and the two remained very close even through Rainbow Dash’s time in the Junior Speedster’s flight camp. When the curse was announce, Dash didn’t seem to care much, considering she never really wanted kids and thought in the future, when she wanted one, they’d have fixed it already.

But when the time came, the curse was still as strong as ever. Half-way through her trials to become a Wonderbolt, (past the flying course, now it was just paperwork and the like) Dash spoke to her father about her urge to be a mother. Blaze and Rainbowshine had split up years ago due to Rainbowshine’s constant work and lack of affection towards her husband, and they hadn’t had a son nor any close relatives, so Blaze offered himself. Of course, Dash was very, very hesitant to agree, but eventually did and had a little filly named Rainbow Gleam. Rainbow Gleam had been named as such to keep the “Rainbow” name as the family seemed crescent with. Gleam is a very loveable filly, something of a girly-girl with her lack of enthusiasm for getting dirty and her constant craving for dress up. Blaze and Dash decided they would stick together as a family, but not to marry. They still considered themselves daughter and father, even if they had children of their own.

• To the Apple Family, the curse wasn’t much of a deterrent. Many of their family had inter-married, being a long-time occurrence in the practically full-blooded earth pony clan. Only a few were unicorns, either being a recessive trait or the mistake of drinking a few too many ciders with a stranger. Of course, it wasn’t exactly Applejack’s plan to marry her brother, but she supposed she could have done worse. The two were practically inseparable, and while they had many cousins and uncles and aunts and the like to choose from, they decided to stick closer to home. Applejack didn’t really care to marry, but Granny Smith insisted and Big Mac didn’t think it could hurt. They married in the spring, a beautiful wedding with the apple blossoms blooming. Of course, Apple Bloom was their flower girl along with her friends, Braeburn being Big Mac’s best man and Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity being Applejack’s Bridesmaids.

Applejack was soon pregnant and gave birth in February to a tiny orange and yellow colt with big green eyes named Apple Tart. Apple Tart is a little rascal, constantly getting himself in trouble and thinking up schemes with his aunt Apple Bloom. Despite his ability to get himself into trouble, he dutifully learnt from his momma and never told a lie despite the consequences, and always tried to be trustworthy despite his antics. Big Mac and Applejack considered themselves a happily married couple, with a few chastite kisses here and there and did consider themselves a hardworking and good couple.

• Rarity, of course, was horrified when she realized that she couldn’t have children with a handsome stallion of her choice. She was even more horrified that she only had two cousins and her father to choose from. Her cousins were immediately out, considering their lack of good looks and the fact that they were good company. The only one left out of them was her father, Hondo Flanks (He’s an earth pony in my AU), who was just barely acceptable. Cookie Crumbles accepted the fact that in order for her daughter to have children she needed to mate with her father, but only barely contained her lack of enthusiasm. Rarity and her father agreed that, when the time came and after Rarity was pregnant, only Rarity would be the parent and Hondo the grandfather. Of course, they were awkward afterwards but eventually made up.

Eleven months later and Audible was born! (Audible being a football term, meaning changing the play or disguising the call to confuse or take advantage of the defense.) A boy, did she embody her name. She was practically the exact opposite of everything her mother wanted, becoming the son that Hondo never had. Audible is rough and rowdy, getting along with the boys as a tomboy ever could. Rarity, of course, had trouble handling the young one but loved her all the same despite that. At one point she thanked Hondo, but only with a smile.

• The Royal Family was not untouched by this curse either. Celestia and Luna were also cursed, causing their own infertility due to the lack of child or relatives they have. The only blood-line they had was Blueblood, and even Celestia was unsure if they could copulate. Luna, of course, was fine with being barren, but also encouraged those she cared about to have children of their own. Cadence, being an orphan, was devastated she could not have children. Shining Armor, seeking help for his wife, asked Twilight for her help. Twilight, of course, was researching the curse in order to find a cure, but the sadness of her brother and step-sister could not be ignored. Secretly, Twilight had always harbored feelings for her brother, and only asked in return for their relationship to be a polyamory. Cadence, being the Princess of Love, accepted that Twilight loved her brother, and allowed for their to be a polyamory. Shining Armor seemed to be outvoted in this perspective, but was just fine having two mares on his hoof.

Aurora was born to the group, a Pegasus filly by the wings of Alicorn Twilight. Cadence was overwhelmed and ecstatic at this news, offering to name the filly. Aurora was much like the group itself, being a loving daughter and friend, being studious but also very active. All in all, she is a very well-rounded filly and absolutely loves her mothers and father.

• Like the Apple Family, the Rock Family was not undisturbed by the lack of prospect of marriage and breeding. Their inbreeding was less than that of the Apple’s, however, considering the fact many of their children, cousins, etc. were mainly females. Of course, that caused the weight of breeding to be put upon the family’s leader, Igneous Rock. Igneous himself was brought about by incest, but only to the first degree. No long-term stuff, and his parents were cousins anyways. So the concept of incest wasn’t entirely unfound to him, but he still found himself uncomfortable with the thought of breeding with his daughters. Luckily enough only one wanted a child at the moment, that daughter being Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie had recently married her sweetheart Cheese Sandwich and the two wished to have a child. Igneous was always a little estranged by his youngest daughter and her husband, but decided to show his acceptance by… well…

Soon after a colt was born, with a bizarrely striking resemblance to Cheese himself. When asked, Pinkie Pie simply stated she willed it to be her son to look like his father, and nopony really questioned it further. The colt was named Chunky Chocolate Chip, sometimes nicknamed “Monkey” (Tee-hee, “Chunky Monkey”.) as he seems to climb, hop, and jump everywhere. Quite like his parents, Monkey is very excitable and joyous, but does have his serious side like his grandfather. He treats parties like a job, much more than even Cheese does, and makes sure that the party will go off without a hitch. Igneous just hopes that not all his grandchildren-children will be as excitable as Monkey, as much as he loves the boy.

Well, I hope all the families and stories didn’t make you lose the contents of your stomach. Thanks for reading.