SUNS, MOONS, and HEART Belly Balloons! - (03.5)

THE DRIVE IS ON PAUSE. (more on this below)

PLEASE READ BELOW. Thank you.
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An important announcement from the chubby blue fox:

So, guys and gals…. Before I disclose news about the Princesses Drive, I have a VERY important question….

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Am I a bad commissionee?

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I’m asking this because someone had just brought to my attention about two major things that I’ve long neglected: focus and priorities. Before anyone gets confused, hear me out. Ok?

I wish I were a bit more honest with myself about how I handle so many tasks at once and what to prioritize and whatnot. Internally, I shouldn’t feel like I’m playing favorite when it comes to not only Commissions, but art in general; yet I find myself in that position, even when I don’t want to. Forgive me if this sounds a bit selfish, but I wasn’t lying when I said that life is playing a factor into why my priorities are all screwed up. Not only that, while I am grateful that many of you here and abroad have even thought of requesting a paid Commission to me, I should’ve done a better job making those my focus. Adding to that, I should’ve created a better plan to tackle all of these requests in a way that I can easily flow through, rather than build up this wall that I find myself facing against, and it seems that in doing so, I might have lost potential returning customers. All because I needed to hustle and find ways to paid overdue bills, which I’m STILL fighting to do. On top of that, someone told me that doing Drives for extra money but not being able to do or finish what I’ve started with the Commissions…. To me, it’s unacceptable on my part. It’s bad enough that I make folks wait for almost a year for me to even start or finish up a paid request, regardless of a need to pay bills: but also, the flow of non-paid personal arts and trades with close friends. Don’t get me wrong: I do appreciate doing a silly gig in that front every now and then. Just bear in mind, I do have a life outside of this place, and it was wrong for me to put you all through that unneeded wait because I bit off way more than I could chew, just like I did IRL. And now I’m drowning in debt, forcing me to miss card payments just to stay afloat, and I’m still jobless. So, in some weird essence, arting here IS my go-to job… at least until I find a good-paying one. Until then, this is all I got, aside from disability benefits.

Okay, I’m going all over the place. I’m terribly sorry, y’all. I get stressed out SUPER SUPER EASILY. And it’s solely my fault for not prioritizing the earlier arts first, and now look where I’m at. If I had a better plan to do these Commission requests and not solely rely on Drives to put in income and ACTUALLY do and finish the first arts in some kind of organized system, I’d be WAY better off. Again, it’s no one’s fault but my own for NOT putting the earlier pieces first and going from there so I can gradually work faster and stress-free. Not to mention a number of personal projects I wanted to do as well. Now that I think about it, Focus and Priorities go hand in hand, I guess? In fact, it was a piece of advice I tried to give to myself some time ago, but kind of but it on the back burner. Again, because I’m financially struggling and still having no luck finding a job that I can feel comfortable with. Heh… I keep talking as if I’m only arting because I need to make a quick buck and not for the fun of it. Not true. I love arting and have been for the past 11 years or so. As I’m aware, other cartoonists in this community are already making a living doing the same thing, except better. Ignoring the jealousy side of things, ALL OF YOU deserve better from me. I know it. I’ve been a lousy commissionee, if I’m not mistaken. My focus has been all over the place for a good while now, and I’m not sure how to fix that without going under in the real world. In a way, I caught myself between a rock and a hard place here. I need money, but I don’t want to come off as selfish and stupidly unreliable, and at the same time, my backlog is just as unforgivable.

With all of that in mind, let’s go back to my earlier mention of Drives, and going back to a point I made earlier. Again, someone pointed out that if I would have done my Drive pics as fast as I would have for any other art, folks would want to come back for more. If that’s not how it works, then I have no one to blame but myself. Willa all of that, what I gonna do will most certainly bite me and my wallet big time….

… This can kill me (or not), but it is with a heavy heart that I am deciding to PUT THE DRIVE (SUNS, MOONS and HEART BELLY BALLOONS) on a PAUSE until January 04 (Wednesday). Hopefully this move can give me ample time to catch up with my stupidly long backlog of overdue Commissions. BUT… if anyone still has the generosity to tip me, you can still do that. I just won’t be accepting anymore new requests at this time.

Now, I just need the right source of motivation, if any. I am so, so sorry, y’all…. I don’t normally do this, but I believe it’s necessary if I want to catch up and have a clean slate. But, at the same time, I know that with this pause, I’m gonna struggle even more with my bills. Again, this is my punishment for biting off more than I could chew…. And just maybe, this can prove to everyone that I’m not as slow or greed-driven as I made myself out to be.

And that is my update, everyone. I REALLY REALLY wish I would have given a more light-hearted update, or to wish you all a Merry Christmas/Hearth's Warming on a more cheerful note given that we’re close to year’s end… but it’s not happening with me this time, I’m afraid. Not because I don’t want to, but because of the situation I put myself in. As I said earlier, you ALL deserve much better, and hopefully, I can be better. I want to be a better commissionee AND a better artist… but most of all, a better friend.

2022 was hell enough. Let’s hope I start off 2023 correctly….
And I don’t know if I can improve by myself… if you have any tips or just wanna, you know… chat… you know where to find me….

I wish I didn’t sound like such a train wreck, but this was SUPER SUPER important… and I’m stuck, too….
Forgive me, for this was more of a vent than an update…. Still, I’d like to wish each and every one of you a Merry XMAS and a hopefully happier 2023.

That’s it for the year, I think…..