“We’re going to divide you into two teams: RED, and BLU. The goal is to go into these Celestia-forsaken desert locations and fight to the death over arbitrary glowing metal ‘points’ and steal briefcases that may or may not contain flags from the opposing team.

We’ll gradually supply you with new weapons and items, including crates. You’ll have to pay for the keys to these crates, but inside are special weapons, and most important, hats.

Never underestimate the importance of a good hat, cadets.

Any questions? Yes, Flowershine?”

“What does this have to do with being a Wonderbolt?”

“GIVE ME 500 LAPS RIGHT NOW, MISSY”