The tirade in the comic was so harsh and out of character that I decided to take a crack at rewriting it. First off, made it rhyme, taking some of the show’s examples for how lenient she can be with her rhyming structure. I also replaced the ‘your mom dead fuck you’ part with something lighter/fun. Finally, like with other times Zecora corrects someone’s behavior, I had her turn her “poem” into a lesson. Feels more in character, I think.

Sorry about the text sizes changing, didn’t feel like editing the bubbles between edits/rewriting bits and pieces of this new fanscript. Left the last panel in to show that the new rewrite fits the spirit of what was being conveyed by the original.

Anyways, could be better, but I think it’s already an improvement over ‘your mom dead fuck you’.