It’s just vent art really

I just had this crazy panick attact last night and I needed to draw/write about it somewhere because I feel like crap to talk about it to my friends cause I feel like I’m bothering

I have really bad anxiety and I think one of the worst parts of it are how easily and badly I go mind-wandering when I’m having an existencial crisis. It’s like a thousand thoughts at all once, and I can’t even seem to focus on one of them at once, the seconds I think about something something else is on my mind.

Sometimes I really think I wasn’t cut out for living really. Sometimes I feel like pure existance is way too complicated for me to cope with.

Do you ever get that feeling that so many bad stuff is happened throughout the world and you can’t do anything about it? Or whatever you try to do won’t ever be enough to fix it? And people tell you to just live your life as usual but I really can’t let these thoughts go, most of the time.

And sometimes, past present and future get messed up in my mind too, it’s very hard for me to let go of things of the past and deal with change, I’m always messing things up in the present and I’m all time worrying about the future. Like, I think about things that I’m not even sure they if they are going to happen or not (such as what if I’ll be able to finish my college projetcs well, when I’m not even in college yet, or what if I’ll be able to be a good mom, when I don’t have kids) , or things I’m sure they’re gonna happen but I don’t know when or how (like death, I think about when is it that I’m going to die or what will I do when my family and friends die, like, doesn’t the thought of not knowing the heck is gonna happen to you tomorrow terrify you?? Cause it’s what it does to me)

Sometimes I’m just… Terrified, like a little kid. 

My mind tortures me so much sometimes I wonder if I am actually a normal decent person. Sometimes I think I just wasn’t a soul that was made to be in this society, as a human being, I wasn’t made to be able to think. Cause living really, it feels so hard and complex and worrysome and terrifying to me. 

Please god if you’re up there next time lemme be a dog or something, I just don’t want to be rational to the point I think and worry that much.

Anyway, I am actually REALLY proud of how good this looks like it was supposed to be just a vent sketch and now it’s SOMETHING GORGEOUS