Due to federal budget cuts to education, Canterlot High is forced to make the following changes:

• To save money on locks, every two lockers are to be merged into one large locker. Students are advised not slam the locker doors as they are now made from two doors welded together.

-The school nurse has been replaced with a cheaper, less experienced nurse. Students will from now on be required to provide their own medical supplies; a tourniquet, dog’s chew toy, and switchblade.

-We can no longer afford plumbing. Toilets have been removed, students are advised to bring a bucket and old newspaper.

-the School Security Guard no longer works night shifts or weekends.

-Textbooks are now to be burned in a pile for heat

-All computers will now run Windows 3

-The Science Class can no longer afford frogs for dissection. Science Class will now use drifters for dissection.

-the Cafeteria is closed indefinitely. Rotten cheese has been left in the basement for the rats. Students may catch and eat afore mentioned rats. Canterlot high is not responsible for rabies.

-the Janitor has been laid off

-the fence between the football field and the alleged meth lab has been sold for scrap.

That is all.

“This does not make us friends, Twilight Sparkle. As soon as we’re free and we deal with Starlight Glimmer, we are done! The great and powerful trixie needs no one at this school!”

“Hey why are we even __in__ high school? We’re in our twenties!”

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This was a hair difficult without light sources.