Part 5 of a series. Click here for the synopsis.

I owe you an apology, my sister. I fear I have made a grave misjudgement.

But strangely, I find myself on this occasion relieved that you are not here. I can just imagine the gleeful smirk on your face had you seen the fool I made of myself yesterday.

I have spent most of the last three weeks in the company of a unicorn diplomat called Paris while drafting a treaty on intertribal land-use. This isn’t in itself unusual, as you know, but oddly I grew rather attached to his company during that time. Then yesterday, on our last day working together, I ended up asking him to join me in my chambers for a private dinner.

I immediately regretted asking, as I had no idea what I expected to happen. My nature precludes any form of romantic relationships after all, and I am certain that neither of us saw the other in that way. So I was surprised when he actually accepted the invitation.

I think he was just trying to help me. He must have noticed that something was off when I asked him, and he decided to try and work out what the problem was instead of ignoring it. I must say, I can see why he became a diplomat.

We spent the evening talking about many things, but mostly we talked about you. I wish it had happened in a less uncomfortable manner, but I needed that conversation. It helped me to see what it was I had been missing.

In a very real way you are part of me, as I am a part of you, and I was more dependent than I had appreciated on the constant companionship you used to give me. Writing these letters is a meagre substitute, but the connection it gave me to you was a helpful outlet for my feelings.

Unfortunately I didn’t realise how important the connection was until after I made the decision to break it. After taking that outlet from myself I unconsciously began to seek it elsewhere, and ended up imposing myself on Paris. Fortunately it went a lot better than it might have, and Paris and I are likely to remain good friends.

Hopefully I can learn something from this experience. I know my own needs better now, and may be able to find a way to provide for them. I am considering taking up another post in addition to my royal duties as a way to get more day-to-day interaction with other ponies. Perhaps I will start tutoring at the university, or at the school for gifted unicorns.

But whatever I choose to do I want to be clear that this is not an attempt to replace you. It was foolish of me to think that I didn’t need you, and I intend to never make that mistake again. I will always keep you in my heart, and I promise that this will not be the last time you hear from me.

Once more looking forward to seeing you again,

Celestia

Part 1: >>811161

Part 2: >>811164

Part 3: >>811169

Part 4: >>811173

Part 5: You Are Here

Part 6: >>811191

Part 7: >>811194

Part 8: >>811197

Part 9: >>811200

Part 10: >>811207