Elevator Pitch

With the double whammy of rapidly approaching Q1 earnings reports and tax day in mid-April, early April is a busy season at Ponysuits, Inc. The sleek, high-rise building they own is filled with the hustle and bustle of papers being shuffled, calls being made, and chatter happening between business partners. The scrums get scrummier, the sprints get sprint-ier, and everypony is expected to go above and beyond their quotas... lest it reflect poorly on their annual reviews...

So, it's no surprise that when Raven Inkwell, C.O.O., and Ember, C.L.O., step foot onto the ground floor, even the reception area is a bit of a mess. Janitors clean up unwanted spills, merchandisers dress mannequins with the newest-in-line business suits, and every secretary seems to be on the phone with somepony else.

Raven and Ember stroll up to a particularly dead-eyed secretary who seems to be drawling on about nothing in particular. The secretary eyes them lazily before leaning back in her chair and continuing her idle chatter on the phone.

Raven raises an eyebrow. Ember taps her claw impatiently.

After about five more minutes, they get tired of waiting.

"Excuse me, miss," says Raven. "A moment of your time?"

The secretary struggles not to roll her eyes. "Alllright. Please hold." She puts the phone down on the desk and stares up at the pair. "Can I help you?"

Ember growls. "Yeah, we need badges to get to the top floor." She swallows. "Very important executive meeting. Can't be late, you know."

"Really?" The secretary puts on a pair of thin-rimmed glasses, opens Microsoft Outhoof, and browses through the schedule. "I don't see anything penned on here until 1 PM..."

"Or maybe, they don't tell you stupid secretaries about the really important, super duper secret meetings," hisses Ember. "Don't you know who we are?"

"I do," the secretary flatly replies. "And if you are who you say you are, shouldn't you have your work badges on you already?"

Ember furiously sputters. Raven steps in to calm her down before leaning in. She adjusts her eyeglasses and clears her throat. "We ran into an... incident at last night's corporate event. Don't worry, we've already alerted the security team. But we need those badges."

She allows the slightest of grins on her face, before her expression melts into one of unfortunate reluctance. "I hate to say it, but Ember is right," Raven continues. "At Ponysuits, Inc., we really value employees who remove friction and enable executive productivity. When leadership gets stalled at reception, it can give the impression that somepony isn't quite meeting the performance expectations of a modern and fast-paced organization like ours." She offers a thin smile. "I’m sure this is just a temporary lapse, of course. But demonstrating initiative and helping leadership stay on schedule is exactly the kind of thing that reflects well during performance reviews… so it would probably be in your best interest to approve those badges."

The secretary sighs. All the corpo-speak blends into word salad in her brain, but she gets the point. Raven is like, her boss's boss's boss's boss's boss... would HR even complain if a certain random secretary was axed at her behest? Especially if it was in the best interests of The Business™?

"Alright, fine. One minute, please." The secretary whips up a set of temporary badges, using her passcode to imbue them with the highest level of security clearance. She hands them off to the executive pair and puts on her best false smile. "Have a nice day."

As Raven and Ember take their badges and leave toward the elevator, the secretary leans back into her chair and sighs. Thank Celestia, they're not my problem anymore, she thinks, not knowing she's just doomed the entire company...

==================

On the elevator, the mood noticeably shifts.

Ember and Raven exhale sighs of relief, almost as if they've been holding their breaths the entire time.

"By the Moon," says Ember, "we just did that. It really was as simple as waltzing in and putting on a convincing act."

"Didn't I tell you?" asks Raven. "I've got a lotta experience. Discord doesn't call me 'Chief of Corporate Espionage' for nothing."

Ember whistles. "That you do. But hey, I was pretty convincing myself, too, right? All the employees know Ember for her bad attitude. You could see how some of them shied away in the lobby as I walked past them, didn't you?"

Raven smiles. "I knew I picked you as the right partner, 'Ember.'"

By this point, it's obvious that the executives in the elevator are distinctly not the characters they claim to be.

Yet, the charade lives on.

"It's fun having this power, you know," muses Ember. "Being the boss, feeling the world under my... claws... I could do this for a while more..."

Raven titters. "You got used to walking on those awfully quickly. Maybe after this shindig is done, we can go on vacation and keep these faces a little longer..."

"Stealing company property and using it outside of work hours?" Ember's grin turns conspiratorial. "Naughty girl. Behavior like that isn't acceptable at Ponysuits, Inc., you know."

Raven waggles her eyebrows. "You'll have to forgive me. As the C.O.O., it's unacceptable behavior. I hope you won't punish me too hard for it, miss."

"Punish you? If you say so..."

In one quick swoop, Ember pushes Raven against the wall, pressing her directly against the elevator doors. Raven yelps in surprise, but doesn't make any effort to stop her companion. Instead, her cheeks flush a tinge pink, and she presses a palm against Ember's chest. "My, so forward. Quick, immediate action - a perfect fit for Ponysuits, Inc..."

"A perfect fit indeed," Ember purrs. "In more ways than one."

She tugs at the nape of her neck, and amazingly, the skin stretches. A thin seam appears before she lets go, and the neckpiece snaps back into place, hiding any evidence that anything was off.

"Now remember, I'm the big, powerful dragoness in the room," she continues. "And it's time to take what's mine."

Ember's claw, strong and possessive, slides down Raven's body, groping firmly over the crisp business suit. It finds the swell of a breast and squeezes, earning a sharp, breathy cry from the mare pinned against the elevator doors.

"Shhh," Ember whispers. "The whole building might hear their C.O.O. getting disciplined." Her other claw lifts upward, gently tracing the hairline at the nape of Raven's neck.

Fingers find a hidden seam around the neck, matching Ember's. This time, she doesn't let go. She wriggles her fingers into the seam and pulls.

Little by little, the Raven mask gives way with a soft, rubbery tension. As the seam widens, darker fur is revealed beneath, until with a wet, sucking schlorp, the entire face of Raven Inkwell peels away and dangles limply at her side. Beneath it, the blushing, sweaty face of Cutting Edge appears, her green mane frazzled and eyes half-closed behind her signature green-tinted glasses.

"Aw, shucks," Cutting Edge says. "You caught me, what a shame." But she grins back. "Alas, you've broken the rules now as well. This... is a clear violation of the corporate dress code. Section 4, subsection B: 'All executive appearances must be maintained in a state of complete and convincing integrity during business hours.' You've technically put me out of uniform."

As Cutting rambles in business jargon, 'Ember' chuckles. Bringing her free claw back to her face, she digs in at the edge of her own disguise. Her scaled face distorts awkwardly, eyeholes stretching into empty slits, mouth pulled into a silent 'O' of surprise. With the signature sound of any good unmasking, Ember's head crumples backward and reveals the elegant features of Starless Night beneath.

"Peace, thou chatterbox," Starless says, her voice shifting to its true cadence, now free of its disguise. She leans in, silencing Cutting Edge's nervous babbling with a deep kiss.

Cutting melts into it with a muffled moan. Starless's tongue wriggles into her mouth, tasting the salt of sweat and the thrill of deception. When they finally break apart, both are left panting, their hot breath fogging the metallic elevator walls.

"We'll be discovered," Cutting mumbles, her warm chest heaving against Starless's cold.

Starless glances at the floor indicator. 46. "The ascent is long," she says. "It's a long way to the Board of Directors waiting on floor 69."

"Then perhaps we'll enjoy our time in here a little longer," Cutting says, grinning. "One final tryst before we... put the company under some better management. I hope you're fully prepared for our meeting with our dear CEO. I'm sure they'll see the... transformative nature of our work as we restore the company to its true vision. It's as they say: new year, new me."

"Aye," Starless agrees, her claws tracing the edge of Cutting's empty Raven mask. "To guide Ponysuits! back to its true purpose. Not these... crass business suits." She spits the word with distaste. "But the proper kind of ponysuits. Starting at the very top. And no better way to demonstrate than by leading by example, hmm?"

"Of course, friend."

And the faux pair continue on the way to the top, ready to restore Ponysuits! to its rightful glory...

==================

BREAKING: Ponysuits, Inc. Declares Bankruptcy Amid $SUIT Token Rug Pull

Ponysuits, Inc. abruptly collapsed into bankruptcy today after the mysterious disappearance of the $SUIT token treasury, leaving the winning bidder rugged. Witnesses report a shadowy pair fleeing the scene shortly before the company’s systems went dark, carrying several large crates that appeared to be filled with an unusually specific quantity of purple alicorn-themed masks. The former owners have since resurfaced, pledging to restore the original ponysuits theme and returning the server to normal operation.

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Wonderful art commission by https://www.furaffinity.net/user/ninusin/ that I wrote a caption with, for the conclusion of our 2026 April Fool's event! If you'd like to see more fics and pics like this, come join the ponysuits server and say hi! https://discord.gg/WCBHHGeajk (18+ only)