Well, it's time to write the results of this year.
It's been a really hard year for my art. I lost interest in drawing as abruptly as I could have imagined! Moreover, I clearly remember how I started drawing a lot of things back in November 2024, but apathy began to consume me at the end of January 2025..
At first there were attempts to get out of the shit with the help of various tutorials, speedpaints, drawing lessons, but this only led to even more self-flagellation. Not a single work has brought me joy in 2025 (at least I can't even remember a flash of joy, even the smallest one).
In March, I closed my commissions and a lot of weight fell off my shoulders. I went to Belarus, I didn't want to draw at all. When I got home, I had a lot of uni debts. I fucked up until 5 a.m. every day, studied tons of texts, went to billions of retakes, but somehow I closed the semester without any debts)))
My grandmother died in April. It came as a shock to the whole family, because no one expected such a prank. I had to literally pull out the desire to draw with pincers (don't I have to somehow make money?). I didn't have any fucking ideas for ychs, but I somehow got them out. I'm still in the process of remaking a normal price list for comms with adequate prices. At least somewhere the analytical method came in handy.
The scariest thing that started happening in me was the aggravation of obsessions and mood swings/attachments. I began to envy others, hate everyone, and at the same time love them. It's a typical borderline condition, isn't it, ahahah? God, I just hate myself for not being able to communicate with other people properly without obsessing over someone like some yandere. I still live with these feelings, but I know how to control them, thank God.
My ability to write fanfics has completely died. I'm trying to get back into this field, but it turns out that my powers are not unlimited.
I began to fear my future to the point of anxiety. I often think that my place is in the excrement, because otherwise I'm a fucking shit:P
My motivation to learn languages also suffers terribly. During a difficult period, I forcibly lifted myself off the couch to do my homework......
In short. It was a flawed year. There were bright moments, but they were often consumed by apathy.
I hope 2026 will be better..........))) At least I hope to continue my creativity through thorns to the stars. 2025 could have been my last year, but it wasn't........ Amazing. About 40 times in a year I tried to end my creative torments, khkhkhkh.
Thanks for your support, anyway! I really appreciate it.
Happy New Year, see you in 2026.