Dear diary,

I hadnt planned on writing this morning. Its starts to feel like talking to myself, after a while. In a somewhat unhealthy way. I figured Id go see mom, check to see if the reports from Apple Loosa had come in, and move on with the day without significant need to note anything about it, unless maybe something went wrong with the reports. But I had a veryenlighteningmorning, and I feel like I should record it. If only for reference, should it need to be examined later.

My relationship with Malachite is very difficult to put down in conventional words. Ive had a few friends who have described it as motherly, as though I adopted her. I dont feel that way. Ive met her mother, and I couldnt hope to fill her little pawprints. She didnt ask me to raise Kite, she asked me to protect her, and show her a world of beauty and experience. That might be the same thing, but I dont reallythink so. It felt different.

As Ive spent time with her, its become clear that her development is atypical to that of a young pony. She doesnt seem young at all, not in the traditional sense. Its as though her understanding and her physical age arent in synch. That might be due to the experiences she absorbed from me while her body was beingformed? made? Maybe. Or maybe its just true of kitsunes in general, and they possess some greater clarity and education before they possess a body.

Regardless of the reason, for most of the time since we left the Frozen North, Kite has stayed by my side and watched. Everything. Cataloging experiences and cross-checking them against the memories she has from my own mind. She would look at a rock, check my experiences with a rock, and poke the rock herself, to compare them. Examine, experience, compare. Ive watched her do it again and again.

Since I certainly dont know anything better than she does in terms of how to assist her, Ive more or less allowed her to call the shots when it comes to her own development, and have looked out for her in the mean time. Held her back when she tries to examine how fire feels, for instance. She tends to leap into things with the impression that she possess my size and durability, and I occasionally have to remind her that she isnt a big ol pony. I had thought things were moving along rather well.

Sending her out on her own to find Cashmere has proven to be a dramatically more influential experience for her than I thought it would be. I didnt doubt she could do it, as i said, its not like shes a filly, but I figured she would come back more or less unchanged. Instead, its like a whole new drive has woken up inside her. shes larger, she has new hair, and her attitude and personality and insistence on things have all increased.

Without me around, her normal habit of serving as a sponge for experiences wasnt working. She was experiencing Equestria for herself, for the first time. It was like taking hot steel out of a forge and dousing it. she had all thisstuff. in her head. In her existence. and when I pulled her out of the oven and sent her off alone, she finally had a chance to solidify. She was only alone for some eight hours, give or take, but I dont think time is as direct a factor on her life as it is on say, mine. MENTALLY, she was on her own. I think that was vastly more significant than the actual amount of time she was physically away.

We had a completely unexpected and completely marvelous experience in the shower this morning, one that drove home her newly acquired free-will. Shes a terribly messy kisser, which isnt something you normally describe with fondness, but I found delightfully charming. she justlacks any technique to speak of. its all tongue and energy and eagerness, like she isnt sure if she should be eating my face or if i should be eating hers, and she wants both to happen at once. I obliged, and Im pretty sure it was the silliest bout of sloppy kissing anypony has ever witnessed. It would be downright comedic if it wasnt sogenuine. No pretense, no judgement, just affection and desire. It was so honest I was blushing like a school filly with a love note by the time the water started getting cold. I hope she never gets it in her head that she needs to tone it down, honestly. It was so bad it transcended into wonderful. I dont think Ive ever really felt so loved from a kiss before. Wouldnt change it for the world.

Im excited. It feels like shes beginning to decide to be her, instead of being a quiet observer. Im going to buy her something to wear today I think, well go scour some stores in Canterlot and let her figure out a look for herself. Mom would know where to take her. I just hope they get along.